Still in Limbo

Cold Roads to Nowhere

Well, days go by and nothing has been resolved with our friend who is dying but hasn't yet, nor with our granddaughter who keeps getting infections and fevers but not well. It's really hard to keep mentally and emotionally in the moment and not wish, want, Expect! things to be resolved.

It seems so cold to wish a dying person was finished with this transition, but it's hard for friends to not be able to visit any more while family keeps this vigil that 'they' said would be a couple of days. It's over a week, and people have gone back to their out of state homes, and yet... And yet, we know she'll never come back as she was, that her death is what she chose in her Advance Directive, but when?

Our granddaughter seems to be having a brief day of being ...ok is not the word...but at least home. Then after about 24hrs, she gets a fever or an infection and it may be back to the hospital for another week or ten days. The updates go on, but there is a pattern of briefly out of the hospital but for what purpose it seems? As soon as she comes home, her immune system gets hit by something/anything. We are grandparents almost the whole country away so if we are frustrated, what is it like for her parents? What kind of plans can they make for their lives and how can they parent a little brother when this child needs so much time and attention? I know she isn't the only one in this kind of situation but she is the only one in our family.

I could pray for patience. I could...and yet, the ego says "I want it resolved now." I can deal with the known, it's the unknown, and waiting on a timetable that isn't mine that's the killer. I guess I better pray. That decision is mine, so I'll make it.